JUST REMEMBER THE FEELINGS

When you get hurt, feel the pain, because in that pain, you will be able to write. If I had known that back then, I should’ve written what I really feel from the past. Yes, sure, I can write, but not with the same feelings I had when I was in the midst of pain.

Number one in her list was to feel the pain. Don’t hide it, don’t deny it. If I have done that, would moving on feels so easy than before? I’m the kind of person who’s great at hiding feelings. I just want my feelings to be kept, and if I ever wanted to tell someone or share my agonies, I would analyze first as to why it should be that person and how am I sure I trust them and when I finally get to decide they’re the right person things will keep on getting difficult as I will realize they’re not really the right one to know it and that I should just keep it to myself ‘till the end.

For a person who keeps distance with their emotional state and was more comfortable to keep it all to themselves not knowing when they’ll explode with so much pain and mental stress, it was quite of an advice. Do not hide and deny the pain, that if we’re not okay, just simply say ‘I’m not okay’ or that when we feel like crying, we can do it anytime, anywhere. It’s not as easy as one, two, three but through time, it will be. With the right time, it will be easier for us to show our true colors, for what we really feel, and that we don’t have to hide the fact that it’s not okay. I bet that’ll happen, but for the right time. When the right people come, and will never go. For the right people who will stay and won’t let me fall on my own. That’s when I think I can show my feelings. That’s when I think is the right time.

Second is to bring a notebook anywhere, it was in her case, because for me I always bring my tab with me or my phone. Whenever I feel sad, or had something in mind I would open my notepad and will write it down. I make poems, whenever I feel like writing it. But the thing I didn’t expect for me to write was one of the best piece I have wrote. I had a dream about my high school classmate, he likes me but I don’t return the feeling. He does several things I experienced for the first time making my high school life  worth reminiscing. There he surprised me on valentines day, for two years. It was my first time receiving a bouquet of real red roses. He also surprised me on my birthdays, gave me gifts such as books I want to buy, teddy bear which is my favorite thing when I was young, chocolates and he’s always there for me. He was a good friend, but I turned him down. I‘m not a good friend for him, back then, I don’t like him being there for me, I hate it when he does nice things to me, I hate it when he sit near me, I hate it when he told everyone he likes me. Then after we graduated he get to study in manila and I was left in the neighborhood. We’ve cut contact and he’s out of my sight for two long years. And then one night, I get to dream about him. He was walking and I was just standing, like watching him. He pass by me without a glance or anything, and there I woke up. One thing I had in my mind is that, I miss him. It’s true that you get to realize someone’s worth when they leave you. I miss him getting beaten by me, I miss our bond, I miss all the memories we had in high school. And so I did something I thought will make my wandering mind comfortable, I wrote. I wrote and gave it a title “To the guy I didn’t noticed before.” And it made me feel at ease. First thing in the morning, what I did is to write everything while I am in the midst of that feeling. And I am contented with the output I made. So whenever I feel like writing something or feels something should be written, I open my tab or phone and write it down on my notes. It’s a good feeling to let it all out in a piece of device.

And last in the list, is to always remember. She said, forget about the boy, just remember the feelings. As what Patricia Evangelista said, in the other ted talks, she also want to remember, and she don’t tell stories for only her to remember but also for someone to remember it with her. Memories can be the sweetest but as well as spiciest. Memories are powerful that it can control and change your emotions. And that not everything should be remembered, I might say. Because there are memories that are much more painful to remember, so sometimes, it’s not bad to forget about the memories and just remain the happy ones.

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